Have you ever been frustrated by colleagues’ attitudes and behaviours? And tried to tell somebody to change their attitudes? Did it work?
Psychology makes a clear distinction between attitudes and behaviours. Jung’s definition of attitude is a “readiness of the psyche to act or react in a certain way” (Chapter XI of Psychological Types.). He goes on to say “presence of two attitudes is extremely frequent, one conscious and the other unconscious” . There is interaction between values, behaviours, life experience and attitudes. So can we, should we, try to change attitudes?
Given that both attitudes and behaviours can be driven by emotions, we are dealing with a very sensitive part of people’s identity. Coercion and manipulation are morally reprehensible. Most people at work are not trained psychologists or psycho-analysts. So what are our options?
We can create a work culture where it is possible for people to talk about their emotional agendas and explore their own attitudes and behaviours, if they wish to do so. It is best to practise this first in a controlled environment with credible actors and customised role-plays that deal with a company’s true behavioural and attitudinal challenges. In a work context this is as far as we can go: we open a door to reflection, create a space where co-workers can discover themselves and then take things further if they so wish.
In practical terms, here are some very concrete tips
- Behaviours are observable acts. We can make a note of specific behaviours. We can talk about their emotional impact on us. For example, “John, when you turn up 10 minutes late to every meeting with me, I feel disrespected and frustrated”
- Attitudes are less tangible. Our impressions (and of others relayed to us) are subjective and remain hypotheses. There is no definitive ‘right answer’ diagnosis. We are uncomfortable with this perception-only, subjective assessment of an attitude because we can’t ‘prove it’ So here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- How would you describe the attitude in question? (how would other colleagues describe it?)
- What do you think could be driving this attitude? What reasons? What emotions?
- Are you comfortable making the emotion the subject of the conversation?
- What kind of open questions could be asked to get more information about this attitude?
- Would you have a ‘self-reveal’ to show your own ‘arrogance’ ‘frustration’ ‘indifference’ etc that would make them more comfortable in talking about their own?
- Will you be able to get the information in one meeting or many?
- What question on attitude will you ask the colleague to think about before the next meeting?